Pets Allowed

Hey listen,

if they ask,

you are over 21, okay?

(alpaca groaning)

Hi, wow.

What a beautiful store.

Okay.

Hi, how are ya?

If you take a look around New York,

you'll probably notice a lot of animals

in places you wouldn't normally expect.

What you may not realize

is that a lot of these out of place pets

are actually certified emotional support animals.

Last year alone,

eleven-thousand of them were registered.

So, what does it take to turn your personal pet

into a therapeutic treatment?

I spoke to my therapist to find out.

[Dr. Crawford] I'm just not comfortable

appearing on camera

and I'm not going to write you a letter

for an emotional support animal.

I'm not one of those websites

that just hands these things out

to whoever asks for one.

What do you mean websites?

Emotional support animals.

(light playful music)

I have all these things.

After a short search online

I found a website that would certify me

for an emotional support animal,

I answered questions

about my feelings of anxiety and gloom without exaggerating.

Of course, I also had to pay 200 bucks

for something like that,

which is a lot.

Cat, dog,

other.

That's great.

(heavenly music)

[Narrator] To whom it may concern,

I am a licensed mental health professional

who is currently treating Marc Aconzi.

Eskenazi.

[Narrator] Sorry. Eskenazi,

for his emotional mental health condition.

He has a disorder for which an emotional support animal

will help provide him with the relief

that traditional medication cannot.

I have prescribed him to have one pig for emotional support.

Sure, I could have gotten a cat or a dog,

but my curiosity compelled me.

I borrowed a domesticated pig, named Daphne,

from a friend Upstate.

We hit the town to see just who would let us in.

(pig squealing)

This is my emotional support animal.

Note from my therapist says I can bring her around anywhere.

To my relief,

the letter worked.

Okay.

People seemed genuinely understanding

of my relationship with an emotional support pig.

Living in the city can be very stressful.

At times, you're gonna feel like

you don't know who your friends are.

But you can always count on me.

I feel like I can always count on you, right?

I feel like you're not listening.

Are we connecting,

or are you just ...

Alright.

I began to think

Daphne and I weren't seeing eye to eye.

This time I tried something a little more uplifting.

These are my emotional support birds.

Oh is that right?

Yeah, because I have a note from my therapist.

I believe you.

But I couldn't help feeling

there was something standing between us.

I turned to something a little more free range.

The thing is

I actually have an emotional support animal note.

Okay.

It allows me to have the turkey.

Is this a real letter?

It actually is.

Is it a real doctor here?

How did you pick a turkey of all animals?

Most people go for dogs or cats.

Well, yeah.

Because it's out of place in the city

and I feel like I'm out of place in the city.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

The turkey doesn't care about people.

He can just tune out everybody

I'm always thinking what are people thinking about

and is this person judging me?

While I learned a lot from Owen,

I couldn't help feeling

we weren't always heading in the same direction.

Maybe it was time to try something bigger.

Hi, how are ya?

Hi.

Okay, you ever been in one of these places before?

I'm sorry to interrupt.

Careful, careful, careful.

Do you guys allow emotional support animals inside?

Let me call my manager and ask.

Sure.

This is a what, a llama?

This is an alpaca,

related to the llama.

Very nice.

Whoa. Let's not ... Whoa, whoa.

Okay, you know what?

I think he doesn't want me to drink.

He doesn't like how I get when I drink.

You know one time I peed right next to Jeff Goldblum.

Well, actually I couldn't pee,

but I was standing next to him.

We can leave it.

I think maybe we should leave it, actually.

What? You gotta go more?

(alpaca groaning)

Oh! Okay.

Let's move away from it.

I'm gonna clean it up,

I just ...

We gotta go.

I'd spent all day searching

for the perfect animal,

but maybe the therapy had been working all along.

I've just made some really bad decisions in life.

I don't always open up to people the way that I should,

the way that I could.

Everyone is so status-conscious in the city.

You gotta grow thick skin, ya know?

I was opening up to the animals

and finally connecting with people.

My parents have a therapy dog.

Oh, they do?

Yes.

So, what made you think of a turkey?

Well ...

Thanks.

What's her name?

Her name's Daphne.

What's your name?

(imitating a turkey)

So talk to your doctor

and see if an emotional support animal

is right for you.

Side effects may include itching, coughing, sneezing,

especially if you are allergic to animals, bruising,

irregular menstrual cycle, dizziness, chewed shoes,

wheezing, swine flu, bird flu, regular flu,

feeling of incompetence, weird dreams,

I mean really very strange dreams, headaches, congestion,

separation anxiety, social anxiety, anti-social anxiety,

lots of conversations about pets,

never knowing whether people are interested in you

or your animals, smelling bad,

or if you like the smell of animals, smelling good,

loss of appetite, loss of food,

loss of hearing, loss of girlfriend, twisting, twitching,

occasionally cleaning up after an alpaca in a parking lot.

Hi, how are you?

Have a good evening.

Oh, you too.

Come back now, ya hear?