PS Join the inventor of and world leader in liveblogging, Scott Murray, for today’s 3pm fixtures. Bye!
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Full time: West Bromwich Albion 3-1 Arsenal
Peep peep! West Brom fully deserve this fine victory. They did a number on Arsenal, with Craig Dawson scoring two identical goals from corners. There was more to it than that, though, with the usual organised defending and some high-class counter-attacking prompted by the left foot of Chris Brunt. Arsenal’s performance aped that of Alexis Sanchez: lively in the first half, empty in the second. I’ll leave the final word to Victor Valkov. “ I’m all for showing respect to an illustrious 20-year career and a 49-game unbeaten record that will never be broken but Arsene just cost me five quid on my accumulator. He’s dead to me.”
90+2 min “NBC coverage suggest Arsenal lack moral fibre,” says Ian Copestake. “Surely the nutritionist should be sacked.”
90+1 min “Have the players downed tools on Arsene?” says Sam Hankins. “Or are Arsenal really that bad? It sure looked like that with Leicester City to get their manager the sack.”
I might be wrong, and frequently am, but I think this is more an inherent weakness in too many of the players that puts the mental in fundamental. They are an extremely good fairweather side.
90 min West Brom make a late substitution: young Sam Field replaces Nacir Chadli.
85 min Arsenal have really struggled since that third goal. Now they are enduring some ole football from West Brom. Quite a role reversal, that. West Brom have been tremendous. Their gameplan has worked perfectly, and some of their counter-attacking football has been extremely good.
84 min It wouldn’t be a surprise if Sanchez was feeling that McClean tackle in the second half, so dramatic was the drop-off in his performance. Without him, Arsenal have offered nothing in attack. Too many good-time Charlies.
83 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “Neil Swarbrick seems to be the only referee that holsters his canister of invisible spray on the front of his shorts. And it’s not just that it’s on the front but that it is basically centered that makes it a bit disconcerting.”
Neil Phwoarbrick more like!
I have no idea where that came from, sorry.
82 min Arsenal are suffering death by deja vu. Again.
80 min If it stays like this Arsenal will have lost four of the last five league games and six of the last 12. Everybody knows the war is over; everybody knows the good guy lost. It does feel like time for a change, but the abuse and lack of respect is not on.
78 min An Arsenal change: Alex Iwobi replaces Alexis Sanchez.
This is far too easy. McClean on the right curls over a fast corner into the six-yard box. Dawson again gets a run at the ball and strains his neck muscles to head in from a few yards, flattening one of his team-mates in the process. He was surrounded by team-mates, in fact, because Arsenal had nobody near him in the six-yard box.
GOAL! West Brom 3-1 Arsenal (Dawson 75)
This is almost identical to the first goal. Oh, Arsenal.
74 min “A part of me was really hoping Ospina tripped Chadli there just to see who would play keeper,” says Abhi Vijay. “Arsenal would truly have blurred the lines between sport and performance art.”
73 min Sanchez has been much quieter in the second half, and therefore so have Arsenal.
72 min Claudio Yacob replaces Chris Brunt, who has had a fine game, particularly with his passing on the counter-attack.
71 min If West Brom win this they will be seven points ahead of ninth-placed Stoke, who lost at home to Chelsea later this afternoon.
70 min Xhaka can’t. He cracks it into the wall.
69 min Welbeck is fouled just outside the area by Brunt. The free-kick is a fair way to the right of centre and thus suits the left-footed Xhaka.
66 min A double chance for West Brom! Brunt’s beautiful curling pass allows Robson-Kanu to run beyond Mustafi and clear on goal. Ospina dithers but then does well to block Robson-Kanu’s attempted dink. The ball rebounds to Chadli, who dances around Ospina before hitting a shot that is blocked on the line by Mustafi.
65 min Welbeck hits the bar! Xhaka coaxed a right-wing corner to the far post, where Welbeck stretched to steer a header onto the bar.
65 min Walcott has had a really poor game. Maybe he’s trying too hard. Anyway, he is coming off now to be replaced by rugged bench-warmer Olivier Giroud.
64 min “I think it would have shown great forward thinking by the WBA ownership had they provided away fans with A4 sheets of paper and marker pens,” says our Wexit correspondent Ian Copestake.
62 min “Arsene strikes me as a modular synth guy in the vein of Jean Michel Jarre - admired by the purists for his technical grasp of difficult analogue systems and methods (Dennis Bergkamp perhaps the most “analogue synth-esque player of the Wenger era), but fundamentally the fans find the lack of chart toppers hard to stomach after a while, and wish he would just invest in some quality session musicians and make a more typical record, rather than noodling constantly with weird synth patches and filters.”
That’s no way to talk about Per Mertesacker.
60 min Big Hal Robson-Kanu had been on the field for about 74 seconds when he scored that goal. Not even Quasimodo predicted that.
59 min “I firmly believe,” says Ian Copestake, “that if defenders and such had just stood off Maradona and admired sharing the turf with him rather than hacking him to bits in the name of defensive duties, he would never have picked up that air rifle.”
Arsenal aren’t happy about this. McClean played the ball infield from the left to Chadli, who lofted a return pass over the top. Ospina came out feet first to clear but the ball hit Robson-Kanu, who reacted smartly to poke it into the net. It went through the legs of McClean, who was standing behind the keeper and in an offside position, but also reacted smartly to spread his legs and ensure he didn’t touch the ball. The referee went to the linesman to check, with Arsenal encouraging him to disallow the goal, but by the laws of the game it was fine. I have no idea why Ospina didn’t use his hands there.
GOAL! West Brom 2-1 Arsenal (Robson-Kanu 56)
Big Hal Robson-Kanu gives West Brom the lead with a comedy goal!
55 min “Or,” says Steven Hughes, “the brilliant Noel Gallagher music video commentary.”
He should be knighted. He’s the best thing to happen to Britain in the last fifty centuries.
54 min Rondon is coming off, to be replaced by Big Hal Robson-Kanu.
51 min A good chance for Rondon to score his first goal since the millennium. Brunt, in space on the left, curls over a beautiful cross towards the six-yard box, where Rondon gets above Koscielny and flicks a header just wide of the far post. Koscielny just about did enough to put him off.
50 min Rondon tries to shoulder charge Bellerin, misses and ends up on his arse.
48 min Sanchez is penalised for fouling Dawson and has a long moan at the referee. He’ll be booked for dissent at some stage. I do have a bit of sympathy for him though, because he’s been cynically fouled a few times in this match.
46 min Peep peep! West Brom begin the second half, kicking from right to left.
A few of you have suggested that, had McClean’s foul on Sanchez been committed by Xhaka on a West Brom player, he would have sent off. That might be true, though I don’t think it was close to a red-card offence.
Half-time chit-chat
“Andy Hinchcliffe’s Dad once made a wooden doll’s house for one of my kids,” says David McMurrugh. “He was an accountant but that was his hobby.”
“Yes, those other co-commentators who merely parrot the main commentary are as otiose as those DVD commentaries by film directors who have been forced to do one at figurative gun point,” says Steven Hughes. “As they just describe what is on the screen, you think to yourself: ‘Yes, I’ve got eyes too.’”
(All DVD commentaries should be like the below. NB: contains adult language. Lots and lots and lots of effing adult language.)
Half-time reading
Half time: West Brom 1-1 Arsenal
Peep peep! The scoreline is about right after a good half of football. West Brom were dangerous from corners and counters; Arsenal were dangerous when Alexis Sanchez had the ball. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.
45+3 min And he’s a dog person.
45+2 min When Xhaka overhits a return pass in a dangerous area, Sanchez’s face aches with frustration. I know some of his behaviour has been iffy of late, but by god he is magnificent. He is everything you could want in a player.
45+1 min Sanchez is back back back.
45 min “Pulis would play the kazoo,” says Justin O’Gorman. That’s a compliment, rig- “You can just about get a basic tune out of it. Nobody ever takes you seriously, though.”
44 min Sanchez is limping to the touchline after that tackle, which wasn’t the best. I suspect he’ll be okay for the second half.
43 min Finally somebody is booked for a foul on Sanchez. It’s McClean, who sent him flying with a sliding tackle.
