Being in a relationship is obviously really hard. It's terrifying to think that so much hard work, dedication, and love can turn into something, only for it to be totally ruined by a cheater.
So, when Reddit user u/zabalansu asked the question, "Why did you cheat on your partner?" in r/AskReddit, I knew the responses would be...eye-opening. Here's what they had to say:
Note: Not all responses came from the above Reddit thread, some were also found here.
1. "I wasn't over my ex, and when she came knocking, I didn't value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again. You feel like shit for years after it; it's really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time."
2. "I was afraid. There was serious talk of him, my now-ex, taking up a new job and moving to NYC, and he wanted me to come with him. This meant I left my comfy and awesome job in a smallish town for the unknown in a very large, busy city. I was only 20 at the time. I cheated for the two weeks he spent in NYC scoping out the place and working in his potential new position."
"I really can't come up with a better reason other than fear. There was no emotional attachment to the guy I saw. It was just sex. When my ex returned, I told him what happened and explained how I felt. He was pissed, of course, but we worked through it, and he didn't take the job in NYC. I've stopped dealing with fear in such a poor manner now."
3. "I was too chicken shit to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce. Even though I’m happy to have this relationship in my rear view, cheating is my life’s biggest regret."
4. "After having children and specifically special needs kids, I was living an hour away for several months at a time. Communication with my ex became really stagnant, and I begged and begged for support. He came to visit maybe five times while I was with our sick kid."
"I received male attention from people who I felt genuinely cared about my well-being and my child’s. Our relationship sucked since then; we slept in separate beds, barely talked, and worked opposite shifts. I feel horrible, and I learned a lot of things from this experience. I will never put myself in that position again."
5. "I felt an intimate connection with someone, which I’d never had before. In retrospect, it’s one of the dumbest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend, and would never do it again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me; I just refused to see it."
6. "He abandoned the relationship, our family life, our social life, our everything, and put it on my shoulders. While he played endless video games, bitched and whined endlessly about how I didn’t do enough to fix all our life challenges, pay bills, take care of chores and kids…I checked out. Planned my exit. Found some entertainment. Left. He still doesn’t understand why I left."
7. "My wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me; she didn't want me having it with anyone else, and she 'forbade' me from watching porn or masturbating. (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it, or she'd freak out.) So to get my sexual needs met by someone other than myself, for several years, a few times per year, I paid a sex worker for a 'happy ending massage.'"
8. "I cheated because I was not fulfilled by my partner. I cheated again for the same reason. I realized the third time around that I was polyamorous and put that out on the board, and the cheating stopped. I've had two long-term and very successful primary relationships since discovering polyamory and several sexual relationships. No cheating. No dishonesty. A tiny bit of jealousy here and there, but generally happy relationships."
9. "My own insecurities. I went to therapy, worked on myself a lot, learned to love myself, and saw my own self-worth outside of validation from men. I haven’t had a relationship since because I never want to do that again, so I want the next time I commit to someone to be when I'm absolutely sure I would never do that again."
10. "I did it because I really didn't care about the person. It was a long relationship, but I realized the fact that I put myself in the situation where I was able to cheat already proved that it wasn't something I really wanted and he wasn't someone I really 'loved.' So I did it. I'm pretty impulsive and don't think things through. I want what I want."
11. "We were together for five years. The last two years I was watching my boyfriend love me a little less every day. I was going insane. I could feel his interest in me fade away even though he was reassuring me he loved me (words only, though). I was crying every night because he wouldn’t communicate to me what was wrong, what was bothering him, what his needs were, or what he wanted."
12. "He wouldn't let me leave him, so I gave him a reason to leave me."
And finally, here's a rollercoaster of a story from beginning to end:
13. "We met when I was in my mid-20s and he was in his early 30s. I said from the start, 'I don't want kids,' and he agreed. Time went on, we moved in together and eventually got engaged. He started talking about kids, and I said I still didn't want them. He had changed his mind and wanted kids with me. I reached out to both of our parents/siblings, our friends, and everyone for advice, but they all told me how great we were together and how we would make great parents. They all said I'd change my mind once I was pregnant or when I held 'bub' for the first time: 'Push through, make it work; babies make a family.'"
"I saw a couple of therapists who wanted to deep dive into why I didn't want kids. I just didn't. I couldn't explain why; it was just never on my radar. Everyone kept telling us how good we were with their kids...I needed an out, a solid reason to end things. So, I slept with a colleague, went home, and told my fiancé. He wanted to work things out, but a screaming match ensued, where I let it rip again, saying that I didn't want kids. He kept saying I'd change my mind, and I unequivocally said I wouldn't change it. I told him I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't sleep around in the future, and we broke things off. The pain I caused him crushed me, but I couldn't keep going in that relationship with that pressure to have kids. 15 years later, we sort of keep in touch — a call every year or so just to touch base — the care for each other is still there. I don't have kids and don't regret it. He has had a couple of long-term relationships. About a year ago, he called me, and I've never heard a man sound so broken. Turns out he is infertile. Too late to fix things now, but if we had known that and all the pressure was off, who knows what could have been."
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
